Saying Goodbye

Separation is something i have never had to go through. I’ve always lived 5 minutes away from my best-friend and never really have had to say goodbye. But as August dawns in, one by one i will be distant (only physically, i hope) from people that I have been very close to.

At the moment the sentimental Bollywood movie song “Bin Tere” (“without you”) tops my playlist, I cannot help but listen to that song over and over again and imagine what life would be when I can no longer afford to call my confidante and tell him about the mess I am in or go for a spontaneous walk with my boyfriend after a bad day at work.

I like to think that I am an independent woman. But I want to be taken care of at times. I want the husky voice calling me every hour to check if I have reached home, I want those showering of kisses when I’m down with a very nasty flu and I look like the ugliest duckling in the world and i want to hear “I love you” even in those times when i feel like i do not deserve to be loved.When Motu goes away this August, he’ll take all that away with him for years. I cannot believe he’s going for four years.And though there is skype and msn and all that, things will never be the way they used to. I will spend these four years with a hole in my heart.
I just hope that when D-day comes, i have the strength to kiss him goodbye.

healing the wound

You cannot always depend on your best-friend to be on the other side of the line everytime to heal you’re bruises. Sometimes you alone have to walk to the shelf, get the antiseptic to heal your wounds and you alone have to bear the pain. this i realised today. Even though my best-friends have always helped me push my swing to greater heights without letting me submit to my phobia of heights, today i realised that sometimes in life, you have to try a little harder to push your own swing. sometimes, we just have to fight our own battles– alone.
And today as i try my very best to ebb away my own pain, i recall all those times that different ppl have helped me survive life, and the baggage of drama that it brings with it. thank-you for being there for me, wenever you could.all i hope is that i have also been there for you when you needed me the most. and i pray for you, i pray that when a time arises in life when you find out that your friend cannot make it to your battle-field, that you are tough enough to beat all you enemies…

(un)messed up

the dead iPod with its tangled headphone
lies on the top of the pillow.
stained pillow. stained face.

the seconds hand of the clock doesn’t win the race
it stays in one place,silent.
stuck forever(?).

Photographs, torn and thrown across
the room. but they are there,
tangible, real. imprinted on the mind.

the curtains are drawn tight as if
one can shut the world outside.
as if behind the curtains one can hide.

then you come in.
you open the curtains first
and let the sunlight burst
in to the room.
then you glue back the pictures right in place
and put them back on my wall- give them their space.
the continuous tickings of the clock continue
for u have come to its rescue.
you pick me up from the floor, carry me to my bed
i feel a warmth– that kiss you plant on my head
when i open my eyes hours later, there’s your ILY note stuck on the door
my iPod has full charge, and the headphones are tangled no more.

Unstoppable

Sharp swords,
corrupt men,
cruel intentions,
roadblocks and stymies,
hurricanes of destruction,
thunderbolts of pain.

Nothing can stop me…
if  adversaries have weapons,
this girl has strong will and is flying
through the wings of her D.R.E.A.M.S